Oh Little White Lie

We've all done it. Whether it was intentionally or not, it has been done. You may have felt remorse for a little white lie but most of us probably haven't. It is so simple to tell someone you feel fine when you really feel that your whole world is falling to pieces. Most don't see white lies as a problem. It such a little lie. "What could it possibly hurt?" most ask. So let's break it down.

 A lie is to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive. A white lie is still an untrue to statement made to deceive. There is no difference besides the notion that a white lie is smaller and more insignificant only used to spare feelings. Beneath the good intentions, however, the lie is still a lie. As we all know lies have consequences.

 Now, you are probably thinking to yourself that I am bonkers and even though a white lie is technically a lie, it is not the same. Well, I say to you stop right there. Imagine or think upon your relationship. You and your partner have forged a bond and that bond has one significant part, trust. Trust takes time to build and can be the only reason that you are not being stalked by your partner. Let's say that you two are watching a movie and you are not even close to enjoying it. You can tell that your romantic interest loves it. He or she asks you what you thought and you really don't want to say that it sucks. You collect your thoughts, open your mouth and say that you thought the movie was really good. He or she is happy and after that you think nothing of it. Then several months go by and the movie comes on television. Your romantic interest is ecstatic and rushing to go get some popcorn so you two can sit through the two-hour movie together. You could think of a million other ways that you could spend these two hours. So now you have a choice. Do you fess up or do sit through a movie that you really wish was never made? If you fess up there is a chance that you will not have to watch the movie but you now have to face your partner. You have to see the look of confusion and sadness as you explain your disdain for something that he or she likes. As you confess you also put a chink into the trust that you have built. You plant the seed of doubt.

Now I know what you are saying. "How can just a movie destroy someone's trust? It's only a movie." It's not what you lied over but the simple fact that you lied (what you lied over has an impact too). You don't fully lose the trust of a partner by lying over a movie but you do place a little doubt in your lover's head. "If you lied about liking a movie what else are you willing to lie over?" "Have you lied about other things that I like?" "What lie are you going to say next and will this lie be bigger than the last?" One little thought can advance to an overcrowding of "what ifs".

A good relationship thrives with open communication and honesty. Of course it will get hard and of course there will be times where you want nothing more than to quit. If it's worth it you won't. Now I am not saying that you cannot lie or that you will go through a relationship without ever telling a lie. I am also not saying that one should just blurt out whatever comes to mind, just because it is the truth. You may want to sugar coat the truth or not say it at all. It does come down to you.

Looking Back

I know. One should never look back but forward right? Yeah right. Looking back can be one of the best things for you. Sometimes it helps to remember where you came from and what you have been through. Sometimes you have to look at the struggles in your life to remember that all struggles are temporary. Often we have to remind ourselves of the foolish choices that we made in order to not make the same mistakes.

We lose ourselves in relationships.We lose ourselves in careers. We lose ourselves in friends. We lose ourselves in all the responsibilities that we have on a day to day basis. I say reconquer yourself. Pull out that old journal that you hid hoping that no one would find and read your thoughts. Acknowledge how much you have matured. Acknowledge your triumphs. Laugh at your failures. Reminisce on the moments that filled you with joy. Cry at the moments of sadness. Remember the person you were and take a good look at the person you are today. Are you someone that you can be proud of? If you don't have a journal then turn on an old movie that you love. Take a long hot bath with your favorite jams playing in the background. Then use your computer to start an digital journal starting today or go the old school route and find a notebook. Reconnect with yourself.


If you don't learn from your past how can you grow and become a better person?

Bad for Me

There is always one person that plays on the emotions that are offered but returns none. There is that one person who comes back time and time again. That one person is completely bad for you and you know it but you don’t care. You are willing to accept this person as long as he or she continues to come back to you and offer up some heartfelt apology and a glimpse of change.  You want to believe that he or she has changed and isn’t that ruthless person that broke your heart over and over again. You hope that the cheating, lying ways will be nonexistent this time around. You hope that things will work out and you two will be so in love and the past will no longer matter. However, in the deep recess of your mind you know that it will not end in such a happy way. You know that by the end of the week there will be something that threatens the new façade. There will be a glimpse of who he or she truly is. You know it because every time this happens there is always the same result. You know he or she is poison and with every moment that you are with him or her that poison will eat away at you. Never the less you try. You begin again with new hope in your heart and a lie in your head. You beg yourself to forgive them more than he or she does because you want this to work. You put your all into it and watch as he or she contributes very little. Then he or she leaves, taking your heart along for the ride or breaking it, leaving you to pick up the little pieces and mend your heart. You wonder why you let them in. You wonder how you will ever get over this. Mostly you wonder why he or she even decided to enter only to exit. This I have several theories on.

Theory number one is that you have something that he or she can’t get easily. Before you get all excited this isn’t necessarily a good thing. This something would be the main thing that makes you an easy target. Maybe you’re too forgiving. Maybe you are too nice. Perhaps you’re easy to control. Whatever this reason is, the person will take advantage. This may also be reason that the person gives you when he or she leaves. Making you feel that somehow this ending is your fault. This will cause you to blame yourself and not them so the next time that he or she tries to enter the picture you will allow it because he or she chose to come back to you after all that “you” have done. In this theory, he or she is the victim and you are merely the person that continually throws it all away.

The next theory is that you are the support system. This person needs you for whatever reason. In most situations this reason is monetary. You provide for him or her and as long as you continue to do so he and she will continue to come back. He or she will sit around in your house complaining about how the world is so against him or her and the only thing he or she has in this world is you. He or she will get angry and will walk out only to return a few hours later sporting an apology that will melt your heart. You may say that this can fall into the first theory but the way that it ends is significantly different. The person never really leaves and this relationship may never end. You have to be the deciding force to end this relationship.

My final theory is that you are the only or longest relationship he or she has ever known. Although it seems the most farfetched since people change relationships like they change underwear, it is really common. Many people do not like change and most don’t even want to change. So you break up, get back together and break up again every other day. At the end of the day, however, you two are back together. For one person this cycle of break up to make up really takes a toll. For the other it is nothing but a game. A game that when it ends he or she realizes what was lost. Then there will be tears and the promises of change.You hope that these words are true and you give it one more shot only to be disappointed again and again. 

Each of these theories have one common denominator…YOU. So if you feel that a relationship is going in circles and is holding you back from someone that could potentially be the one for you, leave. When you leave never look back. Your past is the past for a reason. 


*previously on my tumblr account*