Words Left Unspoken

Most of us over the age of five have had arguments. We've all had the moment after an argument sitting pondering each word that was said. We reflect on the pain, the anger and suppress the urge to go back and fight more. As you sit there and calm down a bit you think of all the things that you could have said. You wonder why it never occurred to you to say it before. You curse yourself, but your head was clouded with fury or sadness. There was no way that you could have thought clearly enough to say those things and if you did would you not have regretted them later as you reflected. 

Often there are things that we long to say or wish it was said. However, most of that is discarded by the wayside during the day to day. Some of it is bottled up inside waiting for that one moment when you explode.Then there are those times when you only think of it when you simply have nothing else to do. You relive the argument over and over again in your head each time thinking of more and more things you could have said. Some times the anger may boil over and if you still encounter the person then there is a bit of resentment. Some times you have no contact with that person and all you want is one more chance to go at them. That little person in the back of your mind tells you that it is pointless and nothing will come of it. The little devil on you shoulder tells you that it will make a difference and helps you scheme an encounter. In the end you sit alone wishing for a chance that you know in the end wouldn't turn out the way that you expected.

Case in point. In a relationship past, we argued. After each argument I would sit there hurt and pissed to the point of no return. After the tears would subside and the anger would be less intense there would be so many comments and insults popping into my head that I longed to say. I would stew for hours afterwards knowing the things I should have said never made it past my lips. Even after the demise of our relationship I would find myself occasionally wishing that I would have said those comments. There were some days after where I wished I could have run into him again just to let him know just what I thought of him. Then I realized it wouldn't matter. Even if I had  said those things nothing would have changed. It wouldn't have made me feel better. It wouldn't even have gave me a hint of satisfaction. So what did I do after this sudden realization? I used the knowledge to help me grow as a person. 

Although it can be really tough the best thing to do is let it go. Find a way to release the tension and make peace with what was done. Talk to someone about it. Write your feelings out in a journal. Take up a new activity. Whatever way works for you because keeping it in will only end badly. Then once you do that learn from the experience.

Oh Little White Lie

We've all done it. Whether it was intentionally or not, it has been done. You may have felt remorse for a little white lie but most of us probably haven't. It is so simple to tell someone you feel fine when you really feel that your whole world is falling to pieces. Most don't see white lies as a problem. It such a little lie. "What could it possibly hurt?" most ask. So let's break it down.

 A lie is to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive. A white lie is still an untrue to statement made to deceive. There is no difference besides the notion that a white lie is smaller and more insignificant only used to spare feelings. Beneath the good intentions, however, the lie is still a lie. As we all know lies have consequences.

 Now, you are probably thinking to yourself that I am bonkers and even though a white lie is technically a lie, it is not the same. Well, I say to you stop right there. Imagine or think upon your relationship. You and your partner have forged a bond and that bond has one significant part, trust. Trust takes time to build and can be the only reason that you are not being stalked by your partner. Let's say that you two are watching a movie and you are not even close to enjoying it. You can tell that your romantic interest loves it. He or she asks you what you thought and you really don't want to say that it sucks. You collect your thoughts, open your mouth and say that you thought the movie was really good. He or she is happy and after that you think nothing of it. Then several months go by and the movie comes on television. Your romantic interest is ecstatic and rushing to go get some popcorn so you two can sit through the two-hour movie together. You could think of a million other ways that you could spend these two hours. So now you have a choice. Do you fess up or do sit through a movie that you really wish was never made? If you fess up there is a chance that you will not have to watch the movie but you now have to face your partner. You have to see the look of confusion and sadness as you explain your disdain for something that he or she likes. As you confess you also put a chink into the trust that you have built. You plant the seed of doubt.

Now I know what you are saying. "How can just a movie destroy someone's trust? It's only a movie." It's not what you lied over but the simple fact that you lied (what you lied over has an impact too). You don't fully lose the trust of a partner by lying over a movie but you do place a little doubt in your lover's head. "If you lied about liking a movie what else are you willing to lie over?" "Have you lied about other things that I like?" "What lie are you going to say next and will this lie be bigger than the last?" One little thought can advance to an overcrowding of "what ifs".

A good relationship thrives with open communication and honesty. Of course it will get hard and of course there will be times where you want nothing more than to quit. If it's worth it you won't. Now I am not saying that you cannot lie or that you will go through a relationship without ever telling a lie. I am also not saying that one should just blurt out whatever comes to mind, just because it is the truth. You may want to sugar coat the truth or not say it at all. It does come down to you.

Looking Back

I know. One should never look back but forward right? Yeah right. Looking back can be one of the best things for you. Sometimes it helps to remember where you came from and what you have been through. Sometimes you have to look at the struggles in your life to remember that all struggles are temporary. Often we have to remind ourselves of the foolish choices that we made in order to not make the same mistakes.

We lose ourselves in relationships.We lose ourselves in careers. We lose ourselves in friends. We lose ourselves in all the responsibilities that we have on a day to day basis. I say reconquer yourself. Pull out that old journal that you hid hoping that no one would find and read your thoughts. Acknowledge how much you have matured. Acknowledge your triumphs. Laugh at your failures. Reminisce on the moments that filled you with joy. Cry at the moments of sadness. Remember the person you were and take a good look at the person you are today. Are you someone that you can be proud of? If you don't have a journal then turn on an old movie that you love. Take a long hot bath with your favorite jams playing in the background. Then use your computer to start an digital journal starting today or go the old school route and find a notebook. Reconnect with yourself.


If you don't learn from your past how can you grow and become a better person?

Bad for Me

There is always one person that plays on the emotions that are offered but returns none. There is that one person who comes back time and time again. That one person is completely bad for you and you know it but you don’t care. You are willing to accept this person as long as he or she continues to come back to you and offer up some heartfelt apology and a glimpse of change.  You want to believe that he or she has changed and isn’t that ruthless person that broke your heart over and over again. You hope that the cheating, lying ways will be nonexistent this time around. You hope that things will work out and you two will be so in love and the past will no longer matter. However, in the deep recess of your mind you know that it will not end in such a happy way. You know that by the end of the week there will be something that threatens the new façade. There will be a glimpse of who he or she truly is. You know it because every time this happens there is always the same result. You know he or she is poison and with every moment that you are with him or her that poison will eat away at you. Never the less you try. You begin again with new hope in your heart and a lie in your head. You beg yourself to forgive them more than he or she does because you want this to work. You put your all into it and watch as he or she contributes very little. Then he or she leaves, taking your heart along for the ride or breaking it, leaving you to pick up the little pieces and mend your heart. You wonder why you let them in. You wonder how you will ever get over this. Mostly you wonder why he or she even decided to enter only to exit. This I have several theories on.

Theory number one is that you have something that he or she can’t get easily. Before you get all excited this isn’t necessarily a good thing. This something would be the main thing that makes you an easy target. Maybe you’re too forgiving. Maybe you are too nice. Perhaps you’re easy to control. Whatever this reason is, the person will take advantage. This may also be reason that the person gives you when he or she leaves. Making you feel that somehow this ending is your fault. This will cause you to blame yourself and not them so the next time that he or she tries to enter the picture you will allow it because he or she chose to come back to you after all that “you” have done. In this theory, he or she is the victim and you are merely the person that continually throws it all away.

The next theory is that you are the support system. This person needs you for whatever reason. In most situations this reason is monetary. You provide for him or her and as long as you continue to do so he and she will continue to come back. He or she will sit around in your house complaining about how the world is so against him or her and the only thing he or she has in this world is you. He or she will get angry and will walk out only to return a few hours later sporting an apology that will melt your heart. You may say that this can fall into the first theory but the way that it ends is significantly different. The person never really leaves and this relationship may never end. You have to be the deciding force to end this relationship.

My final theory is that you are the only or longest relationship he or she has ever known. Although it seems the most farfetched since people change relationships like they change underwear, it is really common. Many people do not like change and most don’t even want to change. So you break up, get back together and break up again every other day. At the end of the day, however, you two are back together. For one person this cycle of break up to make up really takes a toll. For the other it is nothing but a game. A game that when it ends he or she realizes what was lost. Then there will be tears and the promises of change.You hope that these words are true and you give it one more shot only to be disappointed again and again. 

Each of these theories have one common denominator…YOU. So if you feel that a relationship is going in circles and is holding you back from someone that could potentially be the one for you, leave. When you leave never look back. Your past is the past for a reason. 


*previously on my tumblr account*

Psychology: Reason or Excuse

As human beings we seek to understand. We want to explain why someone is the way that he/she is. We want to explain actions or in-action. So, in an effort to understand, we study it. We observe. We test. We observe again. Then the findings are revealed to the world. Psychology at its finest. Just for kicks below are two definitions of psychology. The first is from Merriam Webster and the second is taken from the Glossary of Psychological Terms located on the American Psychological Association website. 

Psychology: Science or study of the mind and behavior

Psychology: Scientific study of the behavior of individuals and their mental processes 

Essentially, both definitions boil down to the study of the mind and behavior. Psychology has helped society in so many ways by revealing how we think. It attaches the reason we seek to the problem or situation that we do not understand. We have come far as a society because we have learned so much about ourselves. However, as I look at the world today I have come to question the usage of what we have learned. Has psychology become an excuse for our behavior rather than a general explanation?

To begin this discussion let's imagine a baby around the age of five to six months. According to child development the child will be able to pick things up and will take thing straight to their mouths. Psychology studied and studied this and found this to be a major milestone and many parents look for as their child develops. When the child gets to this age, parents began child proofing cabinets and making sure there are no small objects lying around that can be ingested. We know that the child will put everything in his/her mouth and we try to prevent accidents. We know because of psychology that the child does this to learn what an object taste like or the texture of it. It can also be a sign of a baby teething and the items provide comfort.

Now lets move forward, the child is now 11 to 12 months and has picked up the habit of throwing things and biting people. Just like putting objects into his or her mouth throwing and biting are signs of development. However, there is no underlying reason for why a child does these things. You often hear people say “oh he is just a baby and he doesn't know any better.” or “that is what children her age does.” Yes, this is a point of development but does that mean we should let this behavior go forward? Psychology tells us infants go through this stage but does that provide a valid reason to excuse the behavior?

Psychology provides scientific evidence on how the brain works. It provides logic and reasoning to what we do not understand. Psychology does not tell us how to use the information that we are given. Has the information provided to us been misused, misunderstood, or misrepresented? Has providing an excuse become all that we use psychological discoveries for?

To be continued.......

What's wrong with the world?.. pt 2

I said I wasn't finish so here goes more. Again I state that all is my opinion and you are free to disagree. If you want to discuss it please by all means leave a comment.  

     To recap I have discussed the manners of the world on a significant decline and my fears for the rearing of children. The next topic that I want to address is discrimination. Yes, yes I know. Who hasn't discussed this topic but it's a really big deal. I watched the news one weekend and the discussion topic: segregation. Did you know that it has been 60 years since the Brown vs. Board of Education case that ended segregation?  Well if you didn’t know now you do. The report focused on the how the law has been held up since the decisions. Can you believe that there is still segregation but it is completely legal? Everyone knows that schools are zoned for certain areas so if you live in area A then you would go to school A. Well the way that the schools are zoned ends up making one school predominately Caucasian and the other predominately African American. Why can’t we get this right? Why can’t people accept that we all come in different colors and no matter what you look like you are still a person? Again I say it is not that hard.

            Racial discrimination is not the only form of discrimination that I would like to discuss there is also the discrimination of sexuality. Why the hell does it matter who someone is in love with? You don’t have to go to bed with them. You know what you like and that is all that should matter. As the topic of marriage for homosexuals I say good luck. I don’t understand what the big fuss is. They are human beings. They are in love. Why shouldn’t they be able to get married and have a family? We should be stopping the drunken people in Vegas who get married and then divorce within a year. Those people shouldn’t be able to get married. Homosexuals aren’t some group to be disowned. Homosexuals aren’t second class citizens who only get certain rights and we shouldn’t treat them that way. End of story.

I think I am good on ranting for now. If you would like to see the news story on segregation by CNN you can find it here. Like I mention above, all views are my opinion. I appreciate any comments and would like to hear your thoughts.

What's Wrong with the World?

Hello no every one. 

         I have something on my mind that I would really like to discuss. It has come to my attention that the world has significantly declined since I have come of age. It seems that most of the morals that used to be instilled in society are just gone. People no longer practice manners. People no longer think before acting. The world is going downhill....fast. I'm at a loss for words every time I see something that truly makes me question.....everything. Then I have so many words for a situation that is taken completely out of context or not handled in a way that I feel fitting. Before I begin to delve into this topic any further I would like to take the time to say that everything written is my opinion. You don’t have to agree with what I say. Every person is entitled to their opinion. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section. Now let’s begin. 

            First topic up for discussion is manners. Where did these go? What happened to the golden rule? What happened to not saying anything at all if you cannot say something nice? Has everyone forgotten the fundamentals? What happened to saying excuse me when you bump into someone? What happened to yes ma’am, no ma’am, yes sir, no sir? It’s really not that hard. You give respect and you get respect. It is as simple as that. 

            Next is something that really irks my nerves and I feel that it leads to the previous topic, child rearing. Now I don’t have kids and I praise every parent out there in the world for taking on the task of bringing up the next generation. However, there are some areas that are seriously lacking. For example parents who find it especially funny when their child uses profane language or boosts their child up when he or she is doing something inappropriate. Big no no. I know it’s cute because they are young and in that little baby talk it sounds adorable. Picture a few years ahead and think about how cute it will be then. You praise it at a young age then you condone it when they are older. Another aspect that I feel is lacking is some parents not taking an interest in their own children. Falling over to follow a man or taking more interest in their own life. That child didn’t ask to come into this world and you didn’t have to have one. A child is not a tool to catch a man. A child is not a play thing. Of course they are cute a babies, but they grow. They need love, support and at times your full attention. Don’t commit to something that you won’t see through. Need some company then get a pet and call it a day. 

I’ll end here for now, but I have more. Again I repeat that every topic covered included my opinion. You don’t have to agree to my opinion and if you like to discuss my shortcomings then please leave a comment.